Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize