Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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