um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
