His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
