Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
