btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
