I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
