hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
