Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
two words: eviction party
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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