I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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