She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
