i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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