what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
