What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Pooping to opera.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
