Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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