i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize