Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
