Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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