the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
