sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
