No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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