Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize