she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
