You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
