Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
