he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
