There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
