you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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