He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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