I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
