Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
