I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
