I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize