when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Farmville is her only friend.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
