Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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