my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
