Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
