you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
