shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
