Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I know her cup size but not her name....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
