ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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