i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Randomize
