I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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