in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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