Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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