yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
