I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
