Will you blow on my dice?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
