I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
