I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He better not be in your backpack
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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