It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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