I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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