Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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