is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
