Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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