i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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