I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
