Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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