Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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