just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
