Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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