dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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