Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
