awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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