Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
