i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
