Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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