At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
