Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so let's talk penis.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
