Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
