Screwed.edu
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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