Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize