I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He kissed a someone with a penis
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
