plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
