I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
