I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He passed out mid-signature
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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