You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
only if we run a train.
done.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
NoShamevember. You game?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
